Letter from James and Lynette
April 24, 2007 7:55 PM
Sydney has been running a fever (mostly low grade) for about a week. She has a hives or a rash covering most of her body. There are a couple of viruses in her blood. The doctor thinks she possibly has fungus in her lung and we have heard mention of pneumonia in a spot or two. Needless to say she is a sick little girl.
They feel like they have to make a decision quickly regarding the graft vs. host. If they decide to treat, they will probably use steroids. That presents a problem, because it suppresses the immune system and makes the fungus is a serious threat.
James (13) and Johnson (10) are with me in New York, we were supposed to leave this afternoon, but I felt it would be best for Sydney and Lynette if the boys stayed. It is important for Sydney to move around, and that is much easier to accomplish with her brothers bouncing, fighting, and playing in her room.
It was very bleak this morning. Lynette was trying not to look to the left or right, instead she fixed her eyes on Christ. It was horrifying every direction I looked, except clinging to and relying on Him. And even there it was difficult, at least for me. Every step seemed difficult.
This afternoon Sydney was eating pizza. That encouraged us. Then a report revealed we were finally getting some good growth from her t-cells, something we have been desperate for. Her bone marrow has a good graft. Bone marrow biopsy was free of cancer.
When we first entered the hospital, I spiraled a little and comforted myself with the hope we would not be here long. It has been over a week and Sydney still has a rash and fever.
Sydney arrived on Sunday with a completely different perspective. She asked if I was glad we were here. I told her not really, I prefer visiting. She said, "At the apartment I just have you, Nana and Grand mommy, but here I have everyone! Then she added, "I hope we get to stay until Friday so I can see Frank, the Candy man." I said that I had a better plan. I promised we could walk back over Friday night and visit the Candy man. My plans were not to be, and we are still here.
I have worked very hard at focusing on God's promises and sitting still before Him. I wish I could say my faith has not wavered, but my first response was complete disappointment. I turned to the Bible and read to "be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him (Psalm 37:7) and "He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to His power that is at work within us." (Ephesians 3:20). Most of the week, I had to work very hard at renewing my mind, and had to work even harder at staying out of my imagination (which only produced fear). I have started to look for blessings again and praise Him for where He has brought us at this point. (Which is a long way!) I believe He is making Sydney stronger. He has brought me back into His loving arms and given me peace even in disappointing circumstances. I am looking for and expecting His blessings, and I am finding them.
I cannot say thank you enough for all of your support and for the love and encouragement your words bring James and I. We love you all and so thankful for you all.
Please pray . . .
- Biopsy free of cancer
- No graft versus host disease
- Viruses quickly retreat
- No fungus
- Lungs clear
- No cancer