Letter from James
11/09/2006 11:04 PM
Dear Family and Friends,
The cancer is back, they are not sure how invasive it is. In a few days, more test results should be in. The cancer worsens the medical prognosis. Sydney is healing from the lung surgery. Monday, they took out half her lower lobe. The surgeon said it would be a very painful recovery, and he was right; but it has been manageable. You can lose that much lung without it hurting your quality of life. The day of surgery Lynette, little Jack, and I were getting ready to go wake up Sydney and get ready for the operation. Lynette had felt ill all night. She got up and passed out. I had to leave her at the apartment and get to the hospital. Thankfully, Sydney's Easter was there and she told Sydney mom is sick and will not be coming this morning. Sydney never asked for her again. I had been praying that Sydney wouldn't freak out because mom wasn't there, but I thought she would. I also prayed that we somehow would be able to keep things fun and stress free. This was a big time scary surgery. We went with Sydney to the prep room were we waited quite a while. Aunt Marcee and little Jack were there also. We joked and laughed. We watched Funniest Home Videos. Then it was time to take Sydney, and she went with these strangers without a peep. As they wheeled her away and the doors shut, our laughing turned to tears. The surgery lasted about three hours. You can imagine how difficult it was for Lynette to be quarantined for a day and miss being there with Sydney.
Everywhere we go the medical personnel seem to fall in love with Sydney. She is funny, cute and a toot about half the time. When we were diagnosed with a lung fungus, they sent in an infectious disease doctor who is difficult to understand because she is from Russia. When Sydney first meet her, the doctor apologized, because she is difficult to understand. Sydney immediately responded that she understands her, because she watches a lot of "I Love Lucy", and she learned to understand Ricky. About a week later this same doctor rushed up to Lynette, and told her she just received some samples from Sydney's lung and has rushed them to the lab. She went on to tell Lynette how much she adored Sydney, and that she is doing everything in her power to get Sydney well. The doctors continue to be sincerely amazed at Sydney's resilience and toughness. It is a good thing God made her this way because she has needed to be. The fungus infection is the biggest problem right now; it is very dangerous. They think it is likely the fungus will get under control. They will know more in a week. Once it is under control we will go to transplant. They refer to ours as a high risk transplant.
I am sure you realize how much I hate my circumstances.
I felt alone and lost today when I heard the cancer was back. I told God I need to hear from him, be comforted by him, and be guided in how to lead my family. This plea has sometimes gone unanswered or at least it seemed to. I told Him I would tell you all how I was doing whether it was good or bad. I am afraid I was kind of threatening Him in a covert way. Basically, I think I was telling Him I am going to tell on Him, if He doesn't take care of me.
Well like I said, I desperately hate my circumstances. The fear is dangerously whirling around me, and yet the truth is the majority of the time I am at peace (unless Sydney is in pain). I can't explain it.
Please pray that we keep our focus on Christ and not the waves that are hitting us. Please pray that we remain confident. Please pray that with His strength others see Christ in us. Please pray that Sydney is healed.
Thank you all,